Talk on the Quarterdeck
by Simon920
Summary: Horatio and the Captain discuss a part of Horatio's homelife.


TITLE: Talk on the Quarterdeck

AUTHOR: Simon

RATING: PG-13. Death of minor character.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. I make no money from them--would that I did.

ARCHIVE: Ask, please.

FEEDBACK: Well, sure.

**Talk on the Quarterdeck**

It was late, almost the end of the second dogwatch and Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower was breathing on his hands, trying to warm them just a bit. There was only a sliver of a moon and the ship was asleep. The only sounds were the creak of the rigging and the slap of the waves against the bows.

He wasn't even supposed to be on watch now. Earlier that day Cleveland had slipped on a wet length of decking and twisted his knee. It wasn't anything serious, but as he could barely hobble, Horatio had offered to take his place. It was late and cold and he was tired and wishing that he were anywhere else than he was at the moment. He was also, unusual for him, bored. There was almost no chance of either the Dons or the Frogs appearing in the sector they were patrolling and there was nothing for him to do other than to pace in an effort to keep warm.

The sound of a footstep behind him made him turn and he automatically saluted as he saw Captain Sir Edward Pellew approaching him.

"Good Evening, Mr. Hornblower, I take it that all is quiet."

"Yes, sir, nothing to report."

"Ah, good. This is a long day for you, this standing the late watch after your earlier one this evening."

"Yes sir." Hornblower wondered at the Captain. It wasn't like him to strike up idle conversations in the middle of the night.

"Holding up alright, are you?"

"Yes, sir, thank you for asking." Well, maybe he was unable to sleep or some such. He is human, after all. That thought surprised Horatio. Somehow he had never thought of the Captain as human, any more than he thought of the King or, for that matter, his father as human. Somehow they all seemed to be beyond or above that concept. He was tempted to ask if something was troubling him, but immediately dismissed the idea as intrusive. Pellew was a conscientious officer; he was probably just checking the ship, making sure that everything was as it should be. The Captain continued to stand next to Horatio, making him self-conscious.

After several minutes and without warning the Captain asked, "How long has it been since you've seen your family, Lieutenant?"

Slightly startled Horatio answered, "I only have my father, sir, and I've not seen him since I shipped aboard Justinian almost three years ago."

Pellew seemed absorbed in his own thoughts. "That's a long time for a father and son not to see each other. Are the two of you close?"

"Um, no sir, not really."

Pellew looked sharply over at him, his expression intent and his eyes seeming to burn into the younger man. "Why not? Did you row?"

Feeling distinctly uncomfortable, but with no choice but to answer he replied, "No sir, I'm afraid that my father doesn't think much of me. He never has."

Pellew gave him an appraising look. "Why is that?"

"Ah, well, he...um ...he blames my mother's death on me."

Whatever answer Pellew was expecting, that certainly wasn't it. "Why would he do that?"

After an awkward pause as Horatio gathered his thoughts he said, "When I was six there was a fever which went through the village we lived in. When I became sick she nursed me and also became ill. I lived, she died. . My father believed that if she hadn't been near me, she wouldn't have become sick."

Pellew looked at him with interest. "So what did he do? Beat you?"

"No, sir. About a fortnight after she was buried I was sent away to school. I stayed there for ten years."

"Walk the deck with me. It's too cold to stand still." Perhaps realizing that what he was asking was really quite personal, the Captain added, "Forgive me questioning you, Lieutenant, but in all honesty you interest me. You have a very real talent for this life and I've wondered how you came to be here with us. This is hardly the expected career path for the son of a country doctor." They moved off down the length of the deck. "You didn't go home for ten years?"

"At first I did, sir. I went home on school holidays, but when I was about nine I realized that I was in the way when I was there, so I preferred to stay in the dormitory instead."

Pellew was looking at him closely now. "What would you do there?"

"I'd usually spend the time reading or studying, sir."

"You didn't go home with friends?"

"...I was shy, sir. I didn't make friends easily."

"I see." Horatio had the distinct impression that he did, in fact, see. They stopped walking for a moment, turning to the rail and resting their hands there.

"So how did you end up in the Navy?" For a moment the Captain didn't think that he'd get an answer, but after several beats Hornblower began to speak. He looked straight ahead of him, out to sea.

"After I finished school the headmaster told my father and me that he had made applications to Oxford and Cambridge on my behalf and that they had both accepted me." Horatio smiled in spite of himself at what was obviously one of the happiest moments of his life, dropping his mask of self control for one of the only times since Pellew had known him.

"Oxford or Cambridge. God, sir, to be able to study at either of them. Reading history or philosophy, perhaps really understanding the advanced theories of mathematics. Just thinking about the books that I'd read and the minds I'd be with..." He shook his head in wonder of what he might have done.

"So what happened? Why didn't you go? You're certainly bright enough to have made a success at whichever one you chose."

Horatio glanced over at the Captain and shrugged slightly. "There was no money." It was obvious to Pellew that the inability to continue his studies at one of the great universities was a blow to the lad at least as serious as the death of his mother had been.

"Anyway, sir, I hadn't learned a trade at school. A classical education doesn't really lend itself to employment." He smiled at this. "Captain Kean was a patient of my father's. They arranged that I would be accepted as a Mid on Justinian."

"So you had no real interest in the sea of the Navy?" Hornblower looked at the Captain, trying to judge if he was angry or disappointed or just seeking information. He decided to be honest.

"Not at first, sir, no." He looked somewhat rueful. "I was often seasick, and almost all the other Mids were older than I was. Then Simpson came back and ..." He just shook his head at that as Pellew nodded in understanding.

"But then after we were transferred to Indy, sir, it was different. I began to realize why men would join voluntarily and stay for their entire lives. I understood the sense of pride and belonging which exists in good ships, under good captains."

Pellew almost snorted in derision at this last. "So you consider yourself a judge of captains, do you?"

"I, um...er, no, sir, not at all. It's just that you're so obviously good at what you do, that a blind man could see it."

Hornblower didn't know quite what to make of the look of amusement on Pellew's face. "Well, perhaps we should ship a blind division aboard then, for everyone's enlightenment."

Just then the bell rang, signaling the time. Mr. Bracegirdle came up to assume the watch from Horatio, saluting Pellew as he approached them both. "Good Morning, Captain, Mr. Hornblower." The watch was changed, but Horatio was unsure whether the Captain had finished or not. "Mr. Hornblower, I realize that it's late, but would you care to share a glass of port with me before retiring? I would appreciate the company, if you're not too tired."

"Of course, sir, I'd be honored to join you."

As they made their way to the Captain's cabin, Horatio wasn't sure what the Captain wished to discuss, if indeed there was really anything on his mind. Perhaps he simply couldn't sleep.

They removed their hats and cloaks as they entered the cabin, hanging them on wall pegs. Horatio sat himself where the Captain indicated at the polished table as Pellew poured two glasses of his private stock. The Captain handed Horatio his glass, as he tasted it, he thought that it was probably the best wine he'd ever had.

"I'm, curious, Mr. Hornblower. If you had no interest in the sea, why did you agree to the Navy? Surely there was something you could have done to keep body and soul together."

"Yes, sir, I suppose that I could have found a position somewhere. "Another of his small shrugs. "At that point, I didn't really care what I did. This seemed as though it would suit as well as anything else."

"That anxious to get away were you?" Horatio looked down at his glass, declining to answer. "You're undoubtedly wondering why we're having this conversation this evening, are you not?"

The Lieutenant looked up. "Well, yes, sir. I was, actually."

Pellew rose and crossed to his desk, picking up a letter that had been lying there. "This arrived in yesterday's dispatches. It's addressed to me but I think that it might be of some interest to you." He slid the piece of paper over; Horatio picked it up, glancing at it.

"Sir?" He had seen enough to recognize his father's handwriting.

"Read it."

Captain Pellew, Sir, (it said)

I must ask your forgiveness at this intrusion into your time to ask if you might be persuaded to attend a matter of great importance to me.

My son, Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower has been aboard your Indefatigable for over two years now. From what I understand, in that time he has managed to serve with distinction, earning commendations and promotion. As you may well imagine, this causes me much pride.

I fear that I must confess to you a great personal sorrow. Since Horatio has first set foot on one of His Majesty's ships, we have had no contact. He will not permit it. I send him countless letters that are returned to me unopened.

I hasten to tell you that the estrangement that exists between my son and myself is entirely of my making and Horatio bears no part whatsoever in the making of our breech. However, as a doctor, I have cause to believe my time is limited and I would wish for just this last.

What I ask, as one father to another, is that you tell him that I have always loved him, that I regret with everything in me that these years have been wasted and that I forced him away from a life he would have cherished. I am joyful that he seems to have found contentment in the life he has embraced and I wish for him only that he have the happiness that I foolishly denied us both for so many years. I wish this with all my heart.

I beg you to do this, Captain Pellew. Perhaps we gain some wisdom in our dying, or perhaps we simply become honest at that time. I love my son desperately and I regret beyond measure that he will never hear those words from my lips.

Please God, tell him this for me.

In gratitude,

Jacob Hornblower

Horatio gently put the piece of paper down in front of him, his hands lightly clasped before him, his eyes fixed on the darkness beyond the cabin's windows.

"Are you alright?'

He nodded, saying nothing.

"We'll be at Portsmouth in less than a week. Perhaps you could see him."

"No, he died two weeks ago. I received a letter from my uncle in with the dispatches. They must have been written at almost the same time."

"You're excused from your duties for the next twenty-four hours. Just rest."

Horatio stood and turned to gather his belongings.

"Thank you, sir, but that's not necessary. If this had arrived ten years ago it might have mattered. Forgive me, but it simply doesn't anymore."

5/30/02

6


End file.
